Chili Lemon Peanuts

Scenic drive from Auburn to Diamond Springs

American River sparkles under the bridge on this fine day of spring

To the Sutter's Fort where they discovered gold to the right rolling vineyards and apple orchards

I just passed the bridge and the sign for the town Cool

No, but that sign was the last for the Tim Mooney ever took

Before he left the world back in Nevada City

It was the summer where we cried for his wife and his daughter Dixie

Second day of April home still decorated Christmas-y

The front lawn's been cut and the backyard has a fallen tree

Tomorrow my yard guy's gonna get back there and cut it to pieces

I'm on the front porch staring at this old dusty bible and I'm writing lyrics

And on the floors, an old Perloid accordion made by Honer

Three gas lamps, two antique, and the other faux

And I'm out here and it feels good

(In this moment) in this moment

Writing words on my big, black Victorian wrap-around porch

Next we gotta be leaving maybe slightly but not so sadly gonna see Manny Pacquiao fight against Timothy Bradley

Where I predict Manny will lose by decision, suffering him to the fourth, five brains bashed in, his hangarounds keep winning

Then I'm going down to New Orleans for Gulf Coast oysters

That's right, baby, I'm living my dream

For the first moment I ever picked up guitar I knew my life would go down a different road than the kid next door

I hear the birds outside tweet, tweet, tweeting

And the cars along the highway off in the distance

I hear an owl up in the tree hoot, hoot, hoot, hooting

I hear a Spanish radio in the basement talk, talk, talking

I smell the sardine can from the meal I've just eaten

Gonna put this pen down, stare off into the sky, dreaming with my heart is the world's biggest smile

For the hell of it I'm gonna read a random passage from the Bible

It's been in this house since the first I owned it

It was laying open, swear I'd never touch it but my housekeeper picked it up and closed it

So here we go, gonna read just a bit of it

Then look off into the pines and let my mind drift

Chapter 9, St. Luke

Christ sends forth his apostles, feeds five thousand with five loaves, is transfigured and casts out a devil.

Then calling together the twelve apostles, he gave them power and authority over all devils, and to cure diseases.

And he sent them to preach the kingdom of God, and to heal the sick. And he said to them:

Take nothing for your journey; neither staff, nor scrip, nor bread, nor money; neither have two coats.

And whatsoever house you shall enter into, abide there, and depart not from thence.

And whosoever will not receive you, when ye go out of that city, shake off even the dust of your feet, for a testimony against them

And going out, they went about through the towns, preaching the gospel, and healing everywhere

So there I was, I read a part of the book of Jesus

Now I'm eating sunflower seeds and chili lemon peanuts

Sipped on a bottle of Glacéau smartwater

And fell asleep until from upstairs my girl woke me up when she hollered

12:45 AM

SNL, Gwen Stefani, and the short actor guy actor, what's his name?

We are the beautiful dead and the beautiful night

I love my girl and my home and this miracle of life

1:04 AM, Vdara Hotel

Room 14015, April 9, 2016

Our day started today with many kisses

You were on your way out the door to Southern California 'til the fourteenth

And I was on my way to Las Vegas, then to New Orleans

When you said bye and closed my apartment door behind you

A heavy feeling fell upon me, it hit me in a very real way

That we'll live the rest of our lives together

And that gives me so much happiness and comfort

But it also hit me harder than ever before that one day we'll say goodbye for a final time

Every day we get closer and closer to death

I have no illusions of an afterlife

And have no idea how much longer I have on this planet

Or what my quality of life will be in five, ten, fifteen years

Where will our final goodbye be? What condition will I be in?

And how will your health be? Are we even sure we'll be in the same place when one of us has to go?

I don't like goodbyes

I've had enough last goodbyes with people to know that it's the most painful emotion in the world

I don't want to live for eternity, life is filled with too much sorrow

My mind keeps flashing to a woman I saw recently

Of her and her son asleep in the car on the Tenderloin on a very hot day

They were in a tollway zone and looked to be completely passed out

She had a big map open on her lap

But I knocked on the door and though she couldn't speak to me she was okay

My biggest hope in life is that you are beside me when I die

I've lived many lifetimes in forty-nine years

But the best time of my life is of my days and years spent with you

I'm getting older and my stomach is bloated and feels off

I burp too much, I'm that middle-aged guy with a gut that I never thought I'd be

And here I am in Las Vegas

Family men with bellies bigger than mine are walking around with Guns N' Roses t-shirts

My elevator was shared with people who've arrived from the Philippines to see the Pacquiao fight

How many more times will I fly to Las Vegas?

I saw Pacquiao when he was rising

In San Francisco in 2000 at Bill Graham

Now he's thirty-seven and this might be his last fight

My money is on Bradley to win by a decision

That's why I'm here, to see what may be Manny's last fight, if in fact he does win

I'm getting older and Las Vegas is as wild as ever

But I'm tired and I hear the hum of a small refrigerator

My mind and my eyes are fading

Vdara Hotel, 1:03 PM, April 9th

Meeting Tony in the lobby at 2:00 PM for lunch

Just turned on CNN

"Paris terror fugitive is hitman in Brussels bombing"

I woke up at about 9:00 AM

Terrible nightmare that Caroline and I were being followed by this creepy lizard-y-looking plastic surgery guy I saw on the plane yesterday

He was following us to a hotel

But I was diplomatic, turned around, and told him we'd meet him on the balcony of some bar nearby

When we arrived and talked to him, he started throwing insults at me

And I knocked his drink out of his hand and into the street

He stayed there unfazed

Then I grabbed him by his neck, lifting him, pushing him almost, but not quite, over the balcony

I told him to go fuck himself and to stay the fuck out of our lives

He finally shut his stupid mouth

And as we left, Caroline told me that I was good with dealing with creeps

That was the end of the dream

April 10, seat 2E, United Airlines, Las Vegas to New Orleans

The fight didn't go as I thought

To me, the math added up to Bradley winning by a decision, if it went the distance

But Bradley was knocked down twice and lost

Bradley had a few moments and I jumped up out of my seat, threw my fists in the air, and got pumped up with excitement

But Manny was faster and countered him

Manny was the best fighter that night

We were in seat 19B, right where the fighters entered and exited

I felt bad for Bradley when he passed

His trainer Teddy Atlas looked deflated, yet stoic at the same time as he exited

Manny's mother and his wife were all smiles when they exited

I sat in my chair for a long time after the fight, hemming and hawing about the defeat

I owe money on my lost bet

The fight hadn't gone as I predicted

And that's life